No, really, I am. To:
thechroniclesofrach.blogspot.com.
And you probably thought I'd bought another house. Pfff...
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
How Terribly Depressing...
Ignore my last post. I've found myself again.
I am strong. I am happy. I am a winner. I am a fighter. I am a survivor. I am invincible. I am different than anyone else you'll ever know.
I am narcissistic and arrogant.
You love me for it.
=)
This is Rachel, over and out.
I am strong. I am happy. I am a winner. I am a fighter. I am a survivor. I am invincible. I am different than anyone else you'll ever know.
I am narcissistic and arrogant.
You love me for it.
=)
This is Rachel, over and out.
Happy New Year to All... maybe even to me.
Well, there it is. 2007 is gone forever. Am I sorry to see it go? I really don't care. 2008 will be cool. It's going to be a good year. This is me trying to be positive in the face of overwhelming forlornity. Yes, forlornity is a word. I think. It probably doesn't help that I'm listening to "Bad Day" either... stupid songs that make me want to cry. It's a good thing I have no heart...
It's so hard for me to not write about it all. It's what I do. I write. It's how I vent, it's my creative outlet. And yet I've learned that anything you say can and will be used against you... eventually... So, in true Rachel fashion, I will write in vague thoughts and code. This isn't really being written for you anyway. It's for me. Because I'm selfish. At least tonight.
I think I just may be my own twin. I don't understand how I can be so much of both at the same time. How can I be so happy and so sad all at once? It's not right. Nothing is as it was, or as it should be. And there's no telling how long until it will be. There's one thing that I want. Two actually. One is up to me, the other is up to the God I want the first thing from. Confused? Good. But I don't believe the second thing can even happen. Because of me. I think I need therapy.
Last night I went to Fremont with Rene'. I had so much fun... I made a human pyramid with perfect strangers who were dressed as.... no one really knows. Ru Paul maybe. I think they were straight though... the irony of it all. We drank a few drinks, sang a few songs, danced a few dances... The band was slightly memorable. Smoking Bill I think it was. I met the trombone player in the bathroom. Her hair was huge. We discussed how long it took her to get it back to normal proportions after a show.
I am so sad. But not for the reasons you might think. I'm actually happy about those.
Heaven forbid I should ever pen what's actually in my heart... I can't. I'm the only one who can handle it. All alone, and yet surrounded. Aren't we all?
No one knows me. And no, I haven't been drinking.
It's so hard for me to not write about it all. It's what I do. I write. It's how I vent, it's my creative outlet. And yet I've learned that anything you say can and will be used against you... eventually... So, in true Rachel fashion, I will write in vague thoughts and code. This isn't really being written for you anyway. It's for me. Because I'm selfish. At least tonight.
I think I just may be my own twin. I don't understand how I can be so much of both at the same time. How can I be so happy and so sad all at once? It's not right. Nothing is as it was, or as it should be. And there's no telling how long until it will be. There's one thing that I want. Two actually. One is up to me, the other is up to the God I want the first thing from. Confused? Good. But I don't believe the second thing can even happen. Because of me. I think I need therapy.
Last night I went to Fremont with Rene'. I had so much fun... I made a human pyramid with perfect strangers who were dressed as.... no one really knows. Ru Paul maybe. I think they were straight though... the irony of it all. We drank a few drinks, sang a few songs, danced a few dances... The band was slightly memorable. Smoking Bill I think it was. I met the trombone player in the bathroom. Her hair was huge. We discussed how long it took her to get it back to normal proportions after a show.
I am so sad. But not for the reasons you might think. I'm actually happy about those.
Heaven forbid I should ever pen what's actually in my heart... I can't. I'm the only one who can handle it. All alone, and yet surrounded. Aren't we all?
No one knows me. And no, I haven't been drinking.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
WHY!?!?!
Why do people feel the need to let you know everytime they have new pictures on myspace? Um... we don't care. We know what you look like.
If you coin your bulletin "New PIKZ!?!?!&Y^*($@^*()%^&" or something else equally lame... I will be forced to kill you.
Slowly... with a plastic utensil. Perhaps a spork.
I must write about these things to avoid actually delving into my personal life right now.
I want to watch Muppets Christmas Carol, who's in? Friday night at Rachels? I'll even buy the beer/mikes/smirnoff/whatever-that-stuff-is-that-Melissa-likes... It's more fun if you're tipsy... Just someone come keep me company.
If you coin your bulletin "New PIKZ!?!?!&Y^*($@^*()%^&" or something else equally lame... I will be forced to kill you.
Slowly... with a plastic utensil. Perhaps a spork.
I must write about these things to avoid actually delving into my personal life right now.
I want to watch Muppets Christmas Carol, who's in? Friday night at Rachels? I'll even buy the beer/mikes/smirnoff/whatever-that-stuff-is-that-Melissa-likes... It's more fun if you're tipsy... Just someone come keep me company.
Monday, December 3, 2007
More Lame Surveys. Where is #2?
1. Do you have a dirty mind?
That's what she said
3. Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?
twice
4. Have you ever really wanted something so bad and got it?
but of course
5. What would you do if you saw a person fall down a flight of stairs?
it would probably be rene. So we'd laugh until we wet our pants. Unless there was blood. Then I would call COIT. They can get out all kinds of blood. Goat Blood... Chicken Blood... Human Blood... Lots of types of blood.
6. Are you aware of what happens around you?
Sadly
7. When is your next road trip?
To work tomorrow! Woohoo!
8. Would you ever consider having a long distance relationship?
hmmm...
9. Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more?
yes but I only see them over facebook and myspace
10. Do you need to know everything about some one's past?
No, but it'd be nice to know the important things.
11. What do you look forward to most in the next 2 months?
Christmas and... Moving into my new house
12. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
I'm a racecar driver
13. Anything hurt on your body right now?
My head. My eyes. My chest.
14. Have you done anything bad recently?
Nope...
15. Who is the last male you rode in a car with?
Mark
16. Who is the last person to make you laugh? When?
Gwen... we've probably talked on the phone for like 5-6 hours today, so I don't remember exactly
17. Have you ever been stalked?
Yup, scary stuff. Now I have guns.
18. Last time you were shocked by something good?
yesterday when I woke up expecting 45 degrees and it snowed! But i shouldnt have been surprised... God told me it was going to snow. Really, he did.
19. Do you have any strange or odd things in common with your best friend?
Strange Strange Stuff. You'd never believe it if I told you.
20. Do your best friends know each other?
We're the three amigos!
21. Do your best friends know your family?
Yup
22. Do your best friends know your boyfriend/girlfriend?
They know both of them
23. Do you think you will be married by the time you are 35?
it's be cool
24. Do you think love is enough?
No
25. Is there anything you want to say to someone but cant?
You have no idea
26. Is there something you haven't been honest about?
Nope, I've been very honest... Even when it was hard.
27. Is there something your doing tonight?
Going to sleep... WATCH OUT! I know, huh.
28. Would you rather someone be honest and hurt you or lie and save your feelings?
I would rather someone be honest and hurt me. Better a sad truth than a happy lie.
29. Have you had a conversation that lasted over two hours this week?
Dude, see question 16
30. Have you told anyone you love them this week?
Only everyone
31. Have you told anyone you hate them this week?
Nah...
32. Two things you always have with you?
Cell phone, and my charming personality. :D
33. Last four things you drank?
Water
Cherry Coke Zero
Iced Sugar Free White Chocolate Mocha
and....
That'd be water again, by default.
34. Last thing you did?
Besides this dumb survey?
35. Next thing you will do?
Conquer the world. Serious. Give me a few days... I'm on it.
That's what she said
3. Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?
twice
4. Have you ever really wanted something so bad and got it?
but of course
5. What would you do if you saw a person fall down a flight of stairs?
it would probably be rene. So we'd laugh until we wet our pants. Unless there was blood. Then I would call COIT. They can get out all kinds of blood. Goat Blood... Chicken Blood... Human Blood... Lots of types of blood.
6. Are you aware of what happens around you?
Sadly
7. When is your next road trip?
To work tomorrow! Woohoo!
8. Would you ever consider having a long distance relationship?
hmmm...
9. Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more?
yes but I only see them over facebook and myspace
10. Do you need to know everything about some one's past?
No, but it'd be nice to know the important things.
11. What do you look forward to most in the next 2 months?
Christmas and... Moving into my new house
12. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
I'm a racecar driver
13. Anything hurt on your body right now?
My head. My eyes. My chest.
14. Have you done anything bad recently?
Nope...
15. Who is the last male you rode in a car with?
Mark
16. Who is the last person to make you laugh? When?
Gwen... we've probably talked on the phone for like 5-6 hours today, so I don't remember exactly
17. Have you ever been stalked?
Yup, scary stuff. Now I have guns.
18. Last time you were shocked by something good?
yesterday when I woke up expecting 45 degrees and it snowed! But i shouldnt have been surprised... God told me it was going to snow. Really, he did.
19. Do you have any strange or odd things in common with your best friend?
Strange Strange Stuff. You'd never believe it if I told you.
20. Do your best friends know each other?
We're the three amigos!
21. Do your best friends know your family?
Yup
22. Do your best friends know your boyfriend/girlfriend?
They know both of them
23. Do you think you will be married by the time you are 35?
it's be cool
24. Do you think love is enough?
No
25. Is there anything you want to say to someone but cant?
You have no idea
26. Is there something you haven't been honest about?
Nope, I've been very honest... Even when it was hard.
27. Is there something your doing tonight?
Going to sleep... WATCH OUT! I know, huh.
28. Would you rather someone be honest and hurt you or lie and save your feelings?
I would rather someone be honest and hurt me. Better a sad truth than a happy lie.
29. Have you had a conversation that lasted over two hours this week?
Dude, see question 16
30. Have you told anyone you love them this week?
Only everyone
31. Have you told anyone you hate them this week?
Nah...
32. Two things you always have with you?
Cell phone, and my charming personality. :D
33. Last four things you drank?
Water
Cherry Coke Zero
Iced Sugar Free White Chocolate Mocha
and....
That'd be water again, by default.
34. Last thing you did?
Besides this dumb survey?
35. Next thing you will do?
Conquer the world. Serious. Give me a few days... I'm on it.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
And now it's time for
your monthly (yearly?) sermon, ala The Rach.
Ok, no sermons for real. Just a smattering of my heart-experience over the last few weeks, and the things I've learned. I don't tend to grow slowly over time, but rather in large amounts over a few weeks or months... It's been a heckuva few weeks, so here we go.
I like stuff. I REALLY like stuff. I like to collect stuff, look at it, think about it, talk about it... I loooooooove stuff. Which brings me to point numero uno.
The biggest thing that I have learned that stuff is... just stuff. And along the same lines, houses are just a big box to hold my stuff. Who cares in the long run. The earth is going to burn anyway. (To quote Gwen.) This sounds flippant, I know. But seriously, the only eternal thing is God and people, so why waste so much of my emotional energy worried about my stuff, and the aquisition thereof? There were many details of my future/current investments that I was sooooo worried about! And then things start heading south... Then I worried more. And Jeff reminded me on Sunday evening whom God considers truly rich... Guess what? God isn't impressed by stuff. I came to a place of true contentment with whatever happened. And of course, in true God fashion, two days later everything started falling into place beautifully. And you know what? It probably would have still fallen in place had I not come to this realization. But I can honestly say, it wouldn't mean nearly as much, and I would never have been this grateful. I've been humbled, and I've been reminded that everything is a gift from God, and no matter how proud I am of "my" accomplishments... They're not mine. God has given me a beautiful life, and the learning opportunities to do things that a lot of people wouldn't be able to do... I'm so so lucky. But it ALL came from God. The good jobs, the opportunities, the knowledge, even the next breath. God please always let us remember that, and if we don't, take it all. It's all yours, because nothing is worth not having a relationship with you.
All right... the end.
Becky, call me for lunch. I'm in Tuesday and Wednesday now.
This is The Rach, over and out.
Ok, no sermons for real. Just a smattering of my heart-experience over the last few weeks, and the things I've learned. I don't tend to grow slowly over time, but rather in large amounts over a few weeks or months... It's been a heckuva few weeks, so here we go.
I like stuff. I REALLY like stuff. I like to collect stuff, look at it, think about it, talk about it... I loooooooove stuff. Which brings me to point numero uno.
The biggest thing that I have learned that stuff is... just stuff. And along the same lines, houses are just a big box to hold my stuff. Who cares in the long run. The earth is going to burn anyway. (To quote Gwen.) This sounds flippant, I know. But seriously, the only eternal thing is God and people, so why waste so much of my emotional energy worried about my stuff, and the aquisition thereof? There were many details of my future/current investments that I was sooooo worried about! And then things start heading south... Then I worried more. And Jeff reminded me on Sunday evening whom God considers truly rich... Guess what? God isn't impressed by stuff. I came to a place of true contentment with whatever happened. And of course, in true God fashion, two days later everything started falling into place beautifully. And you know what? It probably would have still fallen in place had I not come to this realization. But I can honestly say, it wouldn't mean nearly as much, and I would never have been this grateful. I've been humbled, and I've been reminded that everything is a gift from God, and no matter how proud I am of "my" accomplishments... They're not mine. God has given me a beautiful life, and the learning opportunities to do things that a lot of people wouldn't be able to do... I'm so so lucky. But it ALL came from God. The good jobs, the opportunities, the knowledge, even the next breath. God please always let us remember that, and if we don't, take it all. It's all yours, because nothing is worth not having a relationship with you.
All right... the end.
Becky, call me for lunch. I'm in Tuesday and Wednesday now.
This is The Rach, over and out.
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