Ignore my last post. I've found myself again.
I am strong. I am happy. I am a winner. I am a fighter. I am a survivor. I am invincible. I am different than anyone else you'll ever know.
I am narcissistic and arrogant.
You love me for it.
=)
This is Rachel, over and out.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Happy New Year to All... maybe even to me.
Well, there it is. 2007 is gone forever. Am I sorry to see it go? I really don't care. 2008 will be cool. It's going to be a good year. This is me trying to be positive in the face of overwhelming forlornity. Yes, forlornity is a word. I think. It probably doesn't help that I'm listening to "Bad Day" either... stupid songs that make me want to cry. It's a good thing I have no heart...
It's so hard for me to not write about it all. It's what I do. I write. It's how I vent, it's my creative outlet. And yet I've learned that anything you say can and will be used against you... eventually... So, in true Rachel fashion, I will write in vague thoughts and code. This isn't really being written for you anyway. It's for me. Because I'm selfish. At least tonight.
I think I just may be my own twin. I don't understand how I can be so much of both at the same time. How can I be so happy and so sad all at once? It's not right. Nothing is as it was, or as it should be. And there's no telling how long until it will be. There's one thing that I want. Two actually. One is up to me, the other is up to the God I want the first thing from. Confused? Good. But I don't believe the second thing can even happen. Because of me. I think I need therapy.
Last night I went to Fremont with Rene'. I had so much fun... I made a human pyramid with perfect strangers who were dressed as.... no one really knows. Ru Paul maybe. I think they were straight though... the irony of it all. We drank a few drinks, sang a few songs, danced a few dances... The band was slightly memorable. Smoking Bill I think it was. I met the trombone player in the bathroom. Her hair was huge. We discussed how long it took her to get it back to normal proportions after a show.
I am so sad. But not for the reasons you might think. I'm actually happy about those.
Heaven forbid I should ever pen what's actually in my heart... I can't. I'm the only one who can handle it. All alone, and yet surrounded. Aren't we all?
No one knows me. And no, I haven't been drinking.
It's so hard for me to not write about it all. It's what I do. I write. It's how I vent, it's my creative outlet. And yet I've learned that anything you say can and will be used against you... eventually... So, in true Rachel fashion, I will write in vague thoughts and code. This isn't really being written for you anyway. It's for me. Because I'm selfish. At least tonight.
I think I just may be my own twin. I don't understand how I can be so much of both at the same time. How can I be so happy and so sad all at once? It's not right. Nothing is as it was, or as it should be. And there's no telling how long until it will be. There's one thing that I want. Two actually. One is up to me, the other is up to the God I want the first thing from. Confused? Good. But I don't believe the second thing can even happen. Because of me. I think I need therapy.
Last night I went to Fremont with Rene'. I had so much fun... I made a human pyramid with perfect strangers who were dressed as.... no one really knows. Ru Paul maybe. I think they were straight though... the irony of it all. We drank a few drinks, sang a few songs, danced a few dances... The band was slightly memorable. Smoking Bill I think it was. I met the trombone player in the bathroom. Her hair was huge. We discussed how long it took her to get it back to normal proportions after a show.
I am so sad. But not for the reasons you might think. I'm actually happy about those.
Heaven forbid I should ever pen what's actually in my heart... I can't. I'm the only one who can handle it. All alone, and yet surrounded. Aren't we all?
No one knows me. And no, I haven't been drinking.
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